July 17, 2019   9:34am
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Francine Talks: Break-up No. 1: The sudden, unexplained — and not-what-you-wanted — break-up

Break-ups are a bitch–even if we initiate them. But when we don’t…well, I don’t have to tell you how that feels. Occasionally it’s simple: Three months and he’s off, no matter who she is, or, he was dating someone else too, and it really took off with HER. Usually, it’s complicated–not that the simple explanations aren’t complicated too. Even if your relationship feels and looks good to you, there may be some mismatching needs between you. One of you isn’t getting what he wants.

Sometimes, a rejection might not really be a rejection of you

Our “Family” advisor Francines explains why — whether single, divorced or widowed — sometimes you might be sending messages that you’re not even aware of …

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Break-up No. 1:
The sudden, unexplained — and not-what-you-wanted — break-up

ast week I was talking to a woman who’d been widowed a little over a year and had just started dating. The man she’d been seeing regularly for four months had just called her and said it wasn’t working out. He couldn’t explain why and she had no idea. She was really liking him and was devastated.

I have a hypothesis. She told me that he was also widowed. He let her know he was definitely interested in a long term relationship. She’d told him she wasn’t sure what she wanted. She was just getting her feet wet. I’m guessing he gave it a shot. Then he sensed–as I did in talking to her–that she was still mourning her husband and was not really ready to move ahead. He may not have been able to articulate this, but there was SOMETHING he felt he was not getting from her. An answering passion? A deeper committment? Something.

If she looks at this possibility–that they were in different places, wanted different things–she’ll still feel disappointed, but maybe less rejected. Sometimes a guy wants more of you than you can give right now.

How’s that for a more consoling way of looking at it?

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