July 20, 2019   11:49pm
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Francine Talks: Breakup Recovery: Make a clean break and hurt like hell

Well, the country is ready to move on quickly. Maybe you should, too. That’s the advice of our “Family” advisor Francine …

Breakup Recovery: Make it clean … Hurt like hell

Step one. Break it off–really, completely, not a little. If you can’t eliminate all contact (because of kids or a job), take it to as close to zero as possible).

You may think you can handle staying in touch. Unlikely. Maybe it hurts less temporarily to know you will talk to him next week. Maybe it feels good when you do talk. But it will hurt afterward. It’s got to. Even the most innocent conversation can result in stabs of agony. He’s going to the theater, he mentions. You wonder, WHO is he going with? Your imagination runs wild. You picture her.

Really, is this good for you?

Second step: Let yourself grieve. You tell yourself he’s not dead. Maybe not, but the relationship is.

He’s gone from the place he filled in your life. This is a terrible loss. And you can’t get to the other side of it unless you let yourself feel the pain. Deal with it however you deal best with pain. Throw yourself into your work, exercise, whatever works for you. But let yourself feel your hurt, and cry all you want. If you can’t sleep, have the doctor prescribe some pills; you’ll
cope better if you’re not exhausted. In time, you will get to the other side and be ready for a new love.

If, after all that you just can’t let go, hie thee to a shrink. Quickly.

Francine

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1 Comment
Barbara Katz says: November 25th, 2008 at 3:11 pm

From my own experience, this is excellent advice. Cold turkey is best.

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